18 January 2013

Words from the Wise #1

Looking for Alaska John Green

You know it's funny how no one tells you about the second coming-of-age. You would think that you've already experienced every awkward phase and change in that particular stage of your life, yet here comes quarter life with all its jaded and daunting glory making you feel like your 13-year old self again. So here's a thought, "adolescence"in some sense does not only happen once. I seem to feel like it happens in every major transition in one's life. Sometimes you think at some point you feel so much wiser, so much fuller of yourself but there comes another phase in your life where you think, "The hell am I doing?".

My trip last year to Bangkok was a special one for reasons I've discussed in my previous entry. The intention was to have complete R&R, however I ended up feeling the opposite. It's not to say that I didn't have fun or I got stressed out during the trip because I did enjoy every bit, it was just that I knew by the time it all ended I needed an answer to help me, in the words of Bono, get myself together cause I seem to get stuck in this moment I feel like I couldn't get out of. True enough, I've settled for an answer and made my choice by the time I got home. It's wasn't an easy decision to make, in fact even till now it sometimes scares the hella out of me because the road towards my newfound goal presents to be a unique challenge. It's not because I didn't know what I wanted to do, because I did. It's a matter of whether I'd be taking that risk or playing it safe instead.

I was in a fork road (because crossroads just sound so cheesy and reminds me of a 90's song that I cannot confirm or deny that I listen religiously to back then), and in the words of my mother have "chosen the road less travelled". I don't know what's in store for me by choosing this road, but I could honestly say this is really where I wanted to be. Some may ask why I just didn't chose the safe route, one where I could be guided by the mass experiences of others and perhaps still end in some twisted faith where I wanted ending up to be sans the self-inflicting suffering of sorts, but I suppose I'm trying to live a life, my life, without "perhaps". The relentless wondering, the what-ifs...if I've chosen the "safe option", I would be stuck with that. I don't want to wait till something severe happens "to start seeking my Great Perhaps".

So now if I bombard you with a lot of motivational quotes or whatever, suck it up 'cause I need all of the positive vibes I could get to keep me going.


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